Sometimes we wait all of our lives for our true love.  That one love that sends you soaring on cloud nine, that one love who presents their heart to you without hesitation. However, why is it that when we find such love we abuse it, misuse it, and take it for granted? So we make our mistakes and we try to learn from them the best we know how.  But then it all back fires and you realize that you're scared to go back because now in your mind you are finally your number one priority and that your heart is too delicate to just present to someone without caution. So something has to change, right? But what? Because you know in your heart that love like this is so rare and there is a good chance that you may never feel this way about someone again.  But drama stalks you and baggage weighs your love down.  You feel awkward and uncomfortable. You feel inadequate and you now know that you're not special because someone else can offer the same thing as you.  So you wonder to yourself what is my worth then to them anymore? Why keep me around? You don't know the answer and it scares you because this isn't the first time your heart has been vulnerable in this relationship only later to get broken. What do you do? What do you choose? How do you act? All you know is that the onesidedness must end. So you sit and wait.

Anyway all you beautiful xanga people Ajolique is making a new xanga for the new year. She is leaving all of this old drama behind her. All of this old pain is in the past, which she chooses to leave behind. She is forgiving, but she won't forget. She is number one now. She has reclaimed her title as The Epitome of Beauty.  Her beauty is precious and rare and not superficial beauty. Mental, spiritual, and emotional beauty.  She wears her emotions on her sleeve, so to speak, but as testament to her purity, her beauty, and the gift of her love and dedication. She has no more apologies or regrets. Her love is rare and a blessing.  She knows who she is and whoms she is.  She controls her emotions and her actions and her future and her mood. 

So visit my new xanga and subscribe if you wish to: www.xanga.com/Rose_in_Concrete

I feel like shit. Do you know what it feels like to die inside? But wait I, Ajolique, am being too emotional.  Rejection is a bitch. Don't know what I'll do. I have some serious searching and reflecting to do. Chatise your comment struck something inside of me.  Something is off kilter in this situation, it doesn't make sense and it doesn't feel right. I need to make it right for myself.

5 months of love, 5 months of hope, 5 months of dedication are over. 5 months, my longest relationship. I'm sick to my stomach, but hey what can I say or do? He was my first love. But we all know that love is forever and unconditional so he'll always have a piece of my heart.  Thats too bad for me cause now I feel like a part of me is missing, kinda like an unfinished puzzle.  The aftermath is hard to deal with.  He hurt me, but I know the good times outweigh the bad. I don't know, my emotions are jumbled and I couldn't sleep well last night. I gave him the most precious gift. Mistake? I don't know at the time I thought we would last forever.  How wrong was I? And if not this then I'm supposed to wait three years? Like I have no more tears to cry. My eyes are all dried out, but the pain, you can cut it with a knife. I know some people who will be happy by our break up, but me? I don't know. He wants to be friends. But we all know how the song goes: We can't be friends cause I'm still in love with you.

All I have is memories and the beauty of the good times. I'll miss the late night phone calls, the kisses, the hugs, dancing on his feet, going to the movies, all the i love you's, our anniversaries, rides in dr. b's car, the basement, sleeping in his arms, the surprises, the CDs, his eyes, his lips, his cute expressions, a certain prop (lol), his random rapping, him fondling me, and most of all knowing that he was mine. I hope he can find another love as pure and true that loves him for him and all of his flaws. We never realize how rare it is until we've lost it. Your love for me was rare as mine still is for you. You're truly one in a million.

Remember When...

EdIt: Life sure is interesting. I just broke up with my boyfriend. Wowzers. Didn't see that one coming. C'est la vie.

Merry Christmas one and all! lol. Hope you enjoyed your day and ate all the food that I did. Mm mm mm. Liberian food is good mixed with some Negro food. lol

Anyway life is pretty good. Just trying to stay on top and find myself.  I'm a little tired of compromising myself and blah blah blah. Same old, but I wrote a really long list of New Year's resolutions and this time I will post it on my wall and follow it. Carry it in my purse, whatever I need to do. No more nights full of tears or pains in my heart.

Anywho, good news is that I got accepted into Hampton University. They also awarded me the Presidential Scholarship which gives me full tuition and room and board for all four years. Go Me!! lol Can't wait to hear from the other 4 colleges that I applied to.

Happy Anniversary Marc.

I'm baaccckkk!!! I had a great time in New York. It was like relieving all this stress that I had and some of my worries.  I want to go back just to get away from home again.  Times Square is so pretty and magical at night. I can't remember seeing anything like that before.  Bad things about New York: the streets stink of grilled shish kebabs and there are way too many damn people. Good things about New York: you can eat on their subway system and there is a lot to do while there.

I did so much shopping and it really is therapeutic, like seriously I feel so much better. I spent over $400 while I was there. I got to know more of the people on the trip too.

Bad news is that when I came back my dad had gotten my interim and my grades aren't too good so he's pissed at me and I can't really go anywhere. Which is actually for the best because I need to do my homework ASAP before the quarter ends. I really need to bring my grades up.

I am so ready for change in my life. I'm comfortable with myself and who I am and my relationships with other people. I know what I need to do if I ever get pushed too far beyond reconcile.  There is only so much that one person can take. You know? But everything is pretty cool with me right now.

I can't wait for X-mas break...come soon mistletoe, candy canes, presents, and family.